I’m a quitter and proud of it

I’m laying here on my couch with two blankets covering me. I’m so tired I’ve allowed my toddler to run around playing on her own. I haven’t done anything since the oldest left for school and the hubs went to work. Maeby is making a mess, but I’m trying not to care. I need a break.

I’m giving up.

My anxiety has been shooting through the roof lately and it’s causing me a lot of problems emotionally as well as physically. It’s gotten to the point where every little thing annoys me or pisses me off and I can’t take it anymore.

I know it’s bad because I find myself annoyed when Maeby gets in my face just to smile, Niki hands me a drawing she made for me, and the hubs tries to talk to me. Something is wrong. How could I be annoyed by even the cutest things my little girls do? And how wrong is it that when the hubs wants to talk to me, I secretly want him to shut the hell up? That’s not me. Normally I find myself trying really hard to get him to talk to me. Does that sound bad to the rest of you?

So I’m quitting some things. Now usually I’m neither a quitter nor an asshole, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here goes.

I will quit holding back

I’m going to continue to tell people the truth, but without sugar-coating it to protect their feelings. By doing so, I’m being fully honest with them. If they want my opinions and advice, they’re going to have to deal with it even if they don’t like it. Which brings me to the next thing I’m giving up.

I will quit worrying about things left unchanged

What bugs me to no end is when someone comes to me for advice, refuses to take it, and goes back to doing things the same way expecting the situation to magically change. If they’re not going to do anything about it, I’m just not going to listen. If they want to continue to live miserably, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.

I don’t need to stress about someone who won’t make the necessary changes to better their lives. I’m busy trying to make positive changes to my own life and I don’t need other people’s problems getting in my way. More specifically, the problems of those that won’t do what needs to be done.

People need to quit complaining and do something about it. It won’t be easy and feelings may get hurt. But honestly. Would you rather live miserably knowing you could have done something to change it? Or would you rather take your chances at a better life? Sure, you may end up in another unhappy situation, but making the next set of necessary changes will be easier. Sometimes it takes a few tries.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying my friends and family can’t come to me for help. I’m all for helping those willing to help themselves. They just need to actually do it. We all need to make changes when things aren’t right.

That brings me to the next item on my list.

I will quit caring about what others think

I’ve got a problem with letting other people’s opinions about me and my choices get to me. There are times when I won’t do what I need to do because I worry about someone thinking I’m a bad parent, wife, person. I’m done. If I feel my choice may make a promising impact on my family’s life, I’m going to try to do it. I may run the risk of doing things wrong, but at least I’m doing something.

I will quit staying quiet

When a problem is difficult, and the chances of making someone upset are even very little, I stay quiet. Not because I don’t want to say anything, but because I want to find the right words. The problem with doing this is that too many times I set it on the back burner of my mind and forget about it. That is, until the problem rears it’s ugly head again but it’s gotten worse. Sometimes I do this so many times that it gets out of control and I explode. All the wrong words are said, relationships forever wounded (if not completely broken), and I’m left with yet another piece of my heart gone.

This has happened so many times in past relationships from boyfriends to close friends, as well as amongst family. I’m tired of it. I’m not going to lose one more person. Or another piece of my heart! I’m going to try to speak up early on and quit staying quiet.

I’m done. I quit. These are a few things I believe I’ll be proud of quitting. My body and soul will thank me. I just hope that the people affected by this change will thank me as well.

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Blogging directly from the Mama Stony's Mental Institute. I have a husband, two young daughters, and two cats. The five of them combined is like a typhoon that wreaks havoc on my nerves. For some, that's all that is needed in order to understand why I've almost completely lost my mind. For the rest, here's a slightly lengthier explanation: I strive for organization, while my little family is pure chaos. Just trying to keep up with the housework they produce is overwhelming and intense for me. It's a daily battle with myself to keep my anxiety from shooting through the roof and exploding all over the place. Some days are easier, but most are not. Even though I'd like to, I avoid putting on make-up, spending more than 10 minutes on my hair, ironing, and accessorizing because it takes too much time and I could be using that time being productive elsewhere. Despite everything I do, at the end of each day I usually feel like I could have done more. I'm a workaholic without a job. I'm a story-teller without an audience. I hate being alone, but spend most of my days without much adult interaction. I'm artistically driven but not very creative. I want to do more but already have too much to do. And yes. I do frequently burst into song and dance.

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