Remodeling

I’m currently working on prettifying the site as best I can. You’ll have to excuse me while I screw things up here and there. I’m sure you’ll find things in places they shouldn’t be. That is completely my fault and I apologize. I’m still learning.

While you’re here, check out the Guam Bits tab in the navigation up top. I’m working on a directory of links pointing to Guam-related, Guam-made or Guamanian-owned sites and whatnot. If you have a link you’d like me to add, email me: stones [at] stitchandstones [dot] us
Suggestions are welcome.

Leaving home

Some people love being home. Others need to get away. Include me in the latter.

Guam is my home. I love it there. It’s where I was born and raised most of my life. It holds a piece of my heart bigger than any other place I’ve ever lived. When I think of Guam, I think of my family and friends. So many memories, good and bad, that made me into who I am today. I’ll miss it always.

Except too many people know me. Shut up! That’s not a good thing.

If my life was the way I wanted it, and I was happy with who I was, I would have been happy with that fact. The problem was, I wasn’t happy with my life and the person I had become. It’s difficult to change when everyone knew me and the things I’ve done. My past followed me like a case of herpes and my future was affected by it.

Can you Imagine it? My past is the herpes. My family and friends are the ones telling everyone I had it. “Watch out, she might have another outbreak!”

No. I don’t have herpes. Come on. Focus.

Anyway. On an island so small, I couldn’t get away to recreate myself. My mistakes wouldn’t be forgotten or forgiven. Someone was always bringing it out into the light. Too many people looking over my shoulder. Questioning my actions and reactions, causing me to do the same. It was too easy to fall back into my old ways when no one would allow me to.

Getting away was a good thing.

After six years away from home, I’m a different person. I tried to retain my good qualities while ridding myself of the bad. I just don’t think I would have been able to back home. I needed people who barely knew me, but knew me enough, to tell me what an awful person I was and why. What I was doing wrong was what I needed to hear, but for one reason or another, my loved ones wouldn’t tell me.

I will always love Guam. I just can’t live there anymore.

It’s too restricting and I’m the kind of girl that needs freedom. If I want to hop into my car and drive hundreds of miles away from where I am right now, it wouldn’t be possible living on Guam. There’s no place to hide and sometimes I just need to. The scenery never changes and I’ve seen it all. Over twenty years, and way too many drives around the island, I’ve seen as much as I could see.

It’s also too laid back and slow-paced.

Once in a while that’s fine, but after a while, I can’t handle it. I always need to be on the go. Need to keep moving in order to stay sane. I need to move fast, so living by “Chamorro Time” and being two hours late all the time wouldn’t happen. Having people show up two hours late drove me insane. I live on an island where it take 15 minutes to get to most places. So why is everyone always so late?

I’m happy where I’m at right now. Maybe it’s because I know that I have options. If I wanted to, I could make a change. I could move to the other side of the country and nothing would be familiar. No one will no my name. If I want to be near people that remind me of home, people that do know my name, I could find them and move where they are. If I want to stay where I am a few more years, that’s not a problem either. I’m happy just as long as I have options.

I will always miss and love Guam. I just need to be on my own.