went coconuts

Written by stones (gray text) and visceral (black text).

“I heartily salute you and your robotically adjustable vagina.” ~ dooce

On March 31, 2009, Visceral and I attended a book reading by the incredibly funny Heather B. Armstrong. Better known as the blog author, Dooce. The experience makes it to the top of my list of favorite events I’ve attended. It may or may not have anything to do with the fact that if I were a lesbian, I’d totally have sexual relations with that woman. Yes, I inhaled.

When Stones first introduced me to dooce.com, I immediately subscribed to her feed, and impatiently waited everyday to see a new entry, or a new picture on her no-holds-barred blog. I must admit to you that I’ve allowed Heather Armstrong to steal my soul. More than once. The daily conversations between Stones and I (online and through various text messages) included little mentions about the blog, and how awesome she made everything sound. This is borderline fangirl. Okay, I lied. We’re total fangirls, and proud of it!

When I first read about her book tour back in January, I almost jumped out of my seat and screamed. She was coming to Seattle and there was NO WAY IN HELL we were going to miss it. I just had to meet the woman who takes pictures of her dog with various objects displayed on his head (including, but not limited to, a bra, spaghetti, and a positive home pregnancy test), and then posts them online for the whole word to see. I wish my cats were as obedient so I can make mad cash off of them too. Ungrateful little shits.

Dooce read some entries from her recently released book titled It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita and let me tell you, I wanted to cry. Laughing that hard hurts, okay! I mean, watch the videos from the reading and tell me you didn’t feel like you were about to crack a rib.

During the reading of that book, it was hard to control the urgency to get out of my seat, walk up on stage, press my face to her pregnant belly, and tell her unborn child that her mama was the funniest person in the world at that moment. She poked fun at herself in such a manner that only made me want to be her bff, and let me tell you, IF I COULD, I’D SHOW UP AT HER DOOR WITH A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. Stones and I weren’t the only ones mentally preparing themselves to do just that, either. The crowd was so diverse. Young, and old. Men, and women. Random people asking other fangirls, “So, why is everyone here? Who’s going to be on stage?”

Dooce, you guys! Heather B. Armstrong. LADY EXTRAORDINAIRE.

What I love most is her honesty, humble attitude, and terrific expressions while she was up on stage. As she stood up there in front of (I’m guessing) at least a couple hundred people telling a story about her vagina and reconvening “The Procedure”, I thought about how lucky I was to be able to meet this woman in person. Even if it was just for a couple minutes while she signed two of my books and I stood there like a bumbling idiot.

I was too busy trying desperately to not rub her pregnant belly (which she hates) and lick her face (which she may or may not have actually liked). When it was all over, I was elated.

Being a single girl, with no children, Heather shed some light (with a few loose wires) for me on the whole idea of marriage, and raising a family. Although, there was a passage in her book that completely freaked me the hell out:

For nine months I grew a human being inside my belly and then pushed it out my vagina. Afterward I fed it with my boob. Biology is so fucking weird.

Now, I know it’s crazy to think I can relate to someone who’s had a kid, and is now pregnant again because I’ve never been pregnant, but I’ve done my share of helping to raise babies, and a lot of my friends have kids. I know a little bit of what it’s like to have to wake up 5 minutes after you’ve JUST fallen asleep to take care of a screaming poop machine.. I know what it feels like to have a 4 month-old make you want to gouge your own eyes out because you just can’t figure out what the baby WANTS. I’m not saying that I know EXACTLY what it’s like to have a child of your own, and I’m nowhere near prepared (mentally OR physically) to start a family, but I’d like to think I kind of know what’s to be expected. Keywords: “like to think”, which is just a connotation for, I have no idea what to fucking expect.

That passage alone curled my toes in an effort to somehow not get pregnant at that very moment just by reading her book. I may have to tell my parents that my brother might have to provide them with grandchildren until I get through this book without running to a doctor, forcing him to tie my tubes, or prescribe me some stronger birth control pills.

Waiting in a line that curled around various bookshelves, Stones and I were still giddy with excitement that soon enough, we’d be THIS CLOSE to Heather.

It was a night out, and a much needed break from routine for both Stones, and myself. The fact that we were able to take a few hours, and spend them meticulously planning the kidnapping of someone we both like (and would totally marry if we could), made that night even better.

Body of War: Songs That Inspired an Iraq War Veteran

For as long as I can remember, music has always been the biggest part of my life. It has been my constant companion for the past 23 years, and I’m in no hurry to say goodbye. So, when I found out about Tomas Young, and his story, I couldn’t help but feel inspired as well. He compiled a 30-song album, each track proving to be somewhat crucial to his survival after his unfortunate accident while serving in Iraq.

Before I started listening to the soundtrack, I half-expected to hear songs that were continuously played on the radio, and featured in successful movies, but I was wrong. Tomas Young not only united ant-war statements, he compiled a survival kit. The tracks on this album tug on your heartstrings, remain brutally honest when you cringe after you hear certain lyrics, and paint a picture of a generation going through hell, and finding whatever peace they can through music. The songs that find a home on these discs span genres, and generations. Rock, country, punk, hip hop… it’s all here. No aversion, no obligations, no holds barred.

War is a way of life. It is accepted, rejected, misinterpreted, and feared.
I believe that music – more than anything else in the world – understands that.
Tomas Young’s compilations have helped bring that realization into the light.

body of war music site

Ever want something so savagely that the need for it rang in your ears, clouded your sight, and saturated your tongue with a flavor so ambrosial that it almost paralyzes you?

It’s a wonderful feeling, and that’s exactly how my relationship with Monster Khaos might get me kicked out of the coffee-drenched city of Seattle. I needed something to get me through my day because I tend to run on 2-3 hours of sleep, but I’m not a coffee person, never really have been, and probably won’t ever invest in a coffee maker. I experimented with other energy drinks, and various caffeine pills, but I couldn’t decide on anything worthwhile. Then, by the grace of a good friend, I was introduced to Monster Khaos. I started questioning my ENTIRE EXISTENCE after that first 16 oz. can. Everything after that, couldn’t compare. Not that I tried to. Monster Khaos stole my heart.

I kid you not, when I tell you that I buy these suckers by the case. (Pricing varies depending on where you live, and what stores want to stock on their shelves. I buy my cans in bulk at our neighborhood Safeway, which makes it out to be about $2.00 a can.) It’s not a very cheap addiction, but it kickstarts my heart (like that? see what I did there? Motley Crue style?), and makes me feel like I can run laps around my apartment complex, screaming at the top of my lungs about how much I love this aluminum can of pure magic. Part of the reason I was drawn towards Monster Khaos, and not the other flavors was the fact that it was a “juice”, meaning it wasn’t as bitter as the other drinks seemed to be. In fact, I don’t really think it’s bitter at all. It does have it’s “omfg too sweeeeeet!” moments, but those are pretty rare. I’ve become associate with it, and I’m pretty sure that when I die, I’ll have a can in my hand.

My friends, and even my coworkers know just how addicted I am to what seems like a gift from Energy Drink heaven to me.

Khaos is an explosive mixture of apple, orange, tangerine, peach, pineapple, and white grape juice concentrates, power-packed with ginseng (an herbal plant with vitamins and minerals to help keep the body balanced and energized), B-vitamins (said to be one of the most important vitamins for giving you the energy you need to work all day. B complex helps metabolize carbohydrates, the body and brain’s main source of fuel) sugar, caffeine and energy blends. For me, the flavor that stands out the most, is the peach-citrusy jolt that I get when it first coats my tongue. It also reminds me of a melted popsicle stick, only not as messy. I don’t notice much of an aftertaste, if there’s one at all. If I had to describe it, I’d say it tasted like victory.

Drink up, but make sure you’re strapped in.
Monster Khaos is one helluva ride.

(and remember to save one for me!)

Warning: I’m still learning how to write reviews so this may, or may not, suck. Here goes.

I don’t play video games much. Never really have the time. I’ve also been known to be pretty timid whenever asked to join a game of Halo or whatever it is everyone else is playing. I’m just not that good. Or maybe just not that interested. Your guess is as good as mine. Either way, I haven’t played much. As a matter of fact, I’ve gone for years without touching a controller unless I was passing it from one player to another.

That was, until my birthday last year.

Two weeks prior, the hubs and I took a trip to Colorado to visit some friends. There were five of us, a four-day weekend, and a whole lot of booze. That’s when I (along with everyone else there) was introduced to Boom Blox. The basics of it is, you knock shit over, blow things up, or water blast objects with baseballs, bowling balls, bombs and a water hose. Almost everything in the game is floating, balancing, cute and/or dancing. OH. MY. GOD. Is there anything more fun?

There are so many fun games, I can’t choose a favorite.

Jenga anyone? There are a lot of different Jenga-type games. Some are typical. But my favorite has to be where there is a platform on top holding a handful of baby cows. If you drop them, they jump, or you crush every last one of them, you lose the game. Not only do you have to pull the right blocks, but you also have to move quickly if the tower starts to tip. Turn the screen and pull a block from the other side to make the tower lean the other way. Just don’t pull too hard, too fast, or too much to the left! You might just knock the whole platform down killing all the cows at once. Saving them is the goal. And who doesn’t get pleasure from saving most at least one all of those cute baby cows while flinging blocks?

Bombs! Don’t hit the block with the bomb or you’ll blow shit up. Bombs! HIT the block with the bomb because you want to blow shit up.

Even though there is a one-player setting, I think this game was made for a group. A group of drunken adults to be exact. Just trying to blow more shit up than your three other friends is so much fun. Especially when you start talking shit to each other and screaming at the television. Anyone observing can’t help but laugh.

Then you add some alcohol. When things slow down or you notice who usually wins at certain games, add some motivation. Every time someone knocks over a 50 block (trust me, those suckers are heavy), they have to take a shot. Depending on what the desired level of sobriety or drunkenness is, the strength and aim of a player, or lack thereof, is heightened. You’ll instantly see a person go from “Wimpy! Wimpy! Wimpy!” to “Oh my god! Calm down! Save some alcohol for us!”. Or. “Wait. What happened? You were beating all of us. Now you can’t even hold the controller?!”

That entire weekend I never actually picked up the controller and played for myself. At the time, watching my friends make fools of themselves was all the fun I needed. Still, after that weekend, I couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel to play. For my birthday, I asked the hubs if we could get a Wii and Boom Blox. I’m so glad we did.

I could go on and on about it, but I won’t. Trust me. This game is all kinds of crazy fun. Just be sure to stretch your arms if it’s your first time. All the throwing will make you sore for the next few days. For me, it was definitely worth it.

This video was taken the weekend at my friends’. It was early on and very little alcohol was consumed prior to taking the video. But maybe you could imagine just how crazy everyone got after they were slightly intoxicated. It’s been decided that Boom Blox was mandatory at every gathering after that.